By Rochelle Maruch Miller

Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks captured the beauty and essence of Shabbos when he described it as “the day we stand still and catch up with our blessings.” The mitzvah of Shabbos has the power to transform the Jewish world, to revolutionize KlalYisrael. This Shabbos, Jewish communities around the world are participating in the Shabbos Project, which from all indications could well eclipse last year’s event. Most indicative of the boom in the Shabbos Project is that its partner network has snowballed from 1,800 to over 5,000 volunteers who will be bringing this initiative to approximately 550 cities.

These partners are drawn from across the spectrum, including organizations, rabbis, communal leaders, and passionate individuals who have committed to bringing others on board and to coordinating events, whether the challah bakes and Havdallah concerts that are by now established elements of the Shabbos Project, or smaller, more intimate gatherings.

For the second consecutive year, Frum Divorce will be joining Jews the world over in support of this outstanding initiative. Members will celebrate the gift of Shabbos at a gala melavehmalkah to take place this motzaeiShabbos, October 24 at 10:00 p.m. at the home of their gracious hosts in Lawrence.

Featuring Rabbi Paysach Krohn as guest speaker, the event has already elicited an overwhelming response, with limited seating available. This event is intended for Frum Divorce members; individuals who are interested in attending must register online at www.frumdivorce.com. Location of the event venue will be provided upon request.

The Shabbos Project is the brainchild of Rabbi Warren Goldstein, Chief Rabbi of South Africa, who believes it is a stark reminder of the power of authentic, undiluted Torah to change the world—of its pressing relevance for all times and places.

“This is especially true of the mitzvah of Shabbos, which has been part of the very fabric of the universe from the beginning of Creation. Shabbos is the only mitzvah the Gemara (Beitzah 16a) calls a matanah—a gift. It is an incredible gift to KlalYisrael and if people experience its kedushah, beauty, and power in full—whatever their background may be—they are inspired.”

But for many divorced members of our community, Shabbos and yomtov is often the most difficult time of the week because the nuclear family has been rent asunder. It is precisely during this time that one’s divorced status becomes more apparent, making the situation extremely difficult for the parents and their children. For those who are not near family and friends, Shabbos can be the loneliest day of the week.

“We created Frum Divorce to heal the pain felt by parents and their children, in a strong community environment, through support groups, community lecturers, and popular events. We try to ensure that no Jewish child or parent is alone,” says Cantor Benny Rogosnitzky, a founder and board member of Frum Divorce. Cantor Rogosnitzky, who is chazzan of the prestigious Park Avenue Synagogue in Manhattan, discussed Frum Divorce’s mission of rendering succor and support to members of the Torah-observant community who are navigating the divorce process, with a specific focus on parenting and how to deal with the emotional fallout of separation and divorce.

“There are very few organizations that deal with the aftermath of divorce and how each member of the family is impacted,” he said. “Their lives—and the lives of their children—are never the same. The whole spirit of Shabbos is lost. We tagged on to the Shabbos Project because Shabbos is a time of spiritual rejuvenation, to anticipate and celebrate. Yet all too often, divorced men and women find themselves viewing the arrival of Shabbos or yomtov with a sense of dread. ‘Will I be spending another Shabbos or yomtov alone, without my children? If my children are spending Shabbos with me, whom will my daughters/sons sit with in shul? Who will invite us for Sukkos?’ And the questions go on.”

He adds, “Our goal is for everyone to celebrate the beauty and gift of Shabbos. The International Shabbos Project is a beautiful initiative—the global Jewish community ‘keeping it all together’ around a Shabbos table, reaching out to everyone. A sad or broken parent can’t be a good parent. They have to have the tools to be emotionally well enough to lead a Shabbos table, to be there for those kids. We need to make sure that even if their marriage didn’t work, they are still good people who love their children, and are responsible for raising them. Through our support system, programs, initiatives, and resources, Frum Divorce helps divorced parents and their children navigate their reality.”

Yumi Follman, Yehuda Knopfler, Haim Tobaly, Yechiel Bokchin, Mendy J,
Chaim Duvid Deutsch, Yosef Tobaly, and Mike Groisman

Chaim Duvid Deutsch, Jacob Spadaro, Eli Schwebel, Yosef Tobaly, Reb Michael Nadata,
and Asher Laub

Avidan Moskowitz, Yosef Tobaly,
Yehuda Green, Reb Michael Nadata,
and Jacob Spadaro

On Sunday, October 18, the “Zero Tolerance 4 Terrorism” rally in support of Israel was held in Times Square. Performers included Shwekey, Lipa, Benny Rogosnitzky, Six13, Mendy J, Shloime Dachs, Yehuda Green, and Eli Schwebel.

Halachic Musings

By Rabbi Yair Hoffman

As of this writing, about 145,000 have seen it on YouTube and probably several million have seen it on television.

His name is Shneur Freeman and he is a 31-year-old carpet cleaner. He attended Yeshiva in Crown Heights. He answers a call for an estimate and asks for a name. The Italian man answering says that he prefers no names. They show him a huge red stain on a carpet and ask if he can clean the carpet without telling anyone. Shneur asks what it is. One Italian answers, “red wine.” Another answer is “marinara sauce.” They slip him money, saying, “Dis is fer youse.”

Then they ask him if he can entirely get rid of another carpet. It is rolled up and there are shoes sticking out from the middle of the rolled-up carpet.

He answers that he can do it, and that he is Jewish, from Brooklyn, and that he knows what’s going on.

Ultimately, it turned out to be a highly sophisticated Jimmy Kimmel prank. Kimmel used his Cousin Sal, who has appeared in such pranks before. It also looked like Shneur Freeman was actually going to help them dispose of the body and clean the carpet.

At first glance, this may appear to be a chillul Hashem. But the Five Towns Jewish Times contacted Shneur, and soon realized that poor Shneur the Carpet Cleaner was frightened for his life.

So the question is, what are the halachic issues about getting rid of a dead body?

There is a fascinating Gemara in Nedarim (22a), which deals with Ulla, a student of Rabbi Yochanan who traveled back and forth to Bavel. It is unclear whether he did so to teach the lessons from Rabbi Yochanan’s beis midrash or to raise funds for Eretz Yisrael, or both. Regardless, it explains why Shneur’s actions are, in fact, not a chillul Hashem at all.

When Ulla went back up to Eretz Yisrael, he was joined by two inhabitants of Chozai, one of whom arose and murdered the other. The murderer asked of Ulla: “Did I do well?”

“Yes,” he replied. “Moreover, cut his throat clean across.”

When he came before Rabbi Yochanan, he asked him, “Maybe, G‑d forbid, I have strengthened the hands of transgressors?”

He replied, “You saved your life.”

• • •

Both the Rosh and the Ran understand this Gemara as saying that were it not for Ulla’s life being in possible danger, it would have been prohibited to respond in this manner.

This prohibition is called machazik yedei ovrei aveirah, strengthening the hand of evildoers. We find this prohibition (Shulchan Aruch, C.M. 356:1) in regard to purchasing items from thieves, which is a grave sin. It causes the person to steal more.

There are some situations where strengthening the hand of an evildoer is a full-blown Biblical prohibition, that of “Lifnei iver.” Other situations are considered rabbinic violations. The difference lies in whether the person could have managed by himself without the input of the other party.

There is also a fascinating Targum Yonasan ben Uziel on the mitzvah to not murder, found in Parashas Yisro. He writes, “My nation Israel shall not be murderers, nor friends or partners with murderers, nor shall there appear within the congregation of Israel murderers, and your sons shall not follow them and learn from them also to be murderers. For in the sin of murder, destruction comes to the world.”

Rav Avraham Grodzinsky, zt’l (1883–1944), the mashgiach of the Slabodka Yeshiva, explained this Targum Yonasan (Toras Avraham, Netzach HaAdam) to mean that partnering with a murderer is considered murder. Thus, unless there is a question of one’s own life being in danger, lending assistance to a murderer is tantamount to murder itself, according to Rav Grodzinsky.

The Shaarei Teshuvah of Rabbeinu Yonah (shaar 3:50) writes about the verse “Do not follow the masses to do evil” (Sh’mos 23:2) that we are thereby warned not to strengthen the hand of evildoer in words, nor to be associated with those who agree to do evil. Even for the purpose of a d’var mitzvah, it is forbidden to befriend an evildoer.

In conclusion, the actions of Reb Shneur are, in fact, not a chillul Hashem, but rather were warranted in light of the circumstances.

For those who are curious, we did manage to ask Shneur a few questions and were able to clarify some points.

•          He has been in the carpet-cleaning industry for close to eight years and started his own company in 2013.

•          The events in this video took place a few weeks before Shavuos, in May.

•          The Jimmy Kimmel people did not unwrap the “dead body” for him—even afterward. They were doing their best just to show the feet, and succeeded.

•          He walked out of that house with a few hundred dollars.

More questions for Shneur:

1. What were your thoughts?
2. What was I thinking? . . . So much . . . At first, before they brought in a rug with a dead body, I was actually pretty calm. I thought, “Maybe they had a fight with some unfortunate fellow and this was the outcome.” This was not the first time I have been called to clean up a blood situation (nothing like this situation at all, though). But once that big guy walked in, I tell you he scared me. And I did not see the legs hanging out of the rug until they asked me to put the rug on my car. He had this look of “Do what I say or you’re next . . .”
3. Were you davening?
4. So, at this point, I am thinking, “Oh boy, what did I just get myself into?” You can bet all your money I was praying. I was praying that I could do whatever they want so I could go home in one piece.
5. So where were you going to dump the body?
6. That is a good question. I really don’t know. I’m so glad the situation didn’t go that far.
7. What did you tell your family afterward?
8. I don’t think I really told my family much about it (I had to sign a waiver). I just called in to say, “I love you” to them all. For a minute I thought I was going to die. I think a near-death situation reminded me how much I miss my family.

Author’s Note: Shneur, who is single, owns Carpet Club LA in Los Angeles, California. Cousin Sal is not a Mafioso. And Jimmy Kimmel does not ask she’eilos before he scares people half to death.

The author can be reached at yairhoffman2@gmail.com

From The Other Side Of The Bench

By David J. Seidemann, Esq.

I was not alive in the 1930s when the Nazis tore through Europe and decimated our people. My father was alive then, and he was frightened. And he is frightened now. It is a very dangerous time to be a Jew, an Israeli, a lover and defender of our ancestral homeland.

Beyond the stabbings, the shootings, the driving into crowds of people with motor vehicles, is the attempt to rewrite history and deny that the Kotel has any connection to our heritage and to our two Temples that once adorned the City of Gold.

The foreign press and newspapers here can’t help themselves. The blatant anti-Semitism equating self-defense with deliberate murder is painful but not surprising.

Especially egregious was and is the reporting of MSNBC with its purported “accurate map” depicting how Israel has spread its borders over what used to be Arab Palestine. All of it is a lie.

This latest incarnation of Arab terror is predicated on yet another lie—that Israel was planning to change the status quo on the Temple Mount. When terror follows a lie, it means that the terror was planned before the lie. The lie was simply a pretext to kill Jews. We are resilient people, however, and despite the lies being served up and digested by even those that should rise to our defense, we have unwavering belief that in the end, truth will prevail. In the interim, hate, ignorance, and indifference blind the world.

Sometimes, however, something less than the truth presents itself with some interesting results.

My family has a wonderful practice of having local yeshiva boys grace our Shabbos and yom tov table. It is a rarity when our family dines alone. We feel so fortunate to be able to host these young men who hail from all across the globe. Over the years we have developed wonderful relationships.

Last Shavuos we entertained one young man who had been to our home for meals on many prior occasions. As we began our evening meal, we noticed that he was moving his food around on his plate without actually eating.

I initially thought that he didn’t particularly like my wife’s menu or perhaps was suffering from a stomachache or maybe was still full from lunch. It was only after about an hour or so that he confessed to us that while my wife was serving dairy, six hours had not yet elapsed from the conclusion of his meat lunch, and he therefore could not eat the dairy.

My wife immediately found chicken in the refrigerator and warmed it up; as they say, “no harm, yes fowl.”

Afterwards I pointed out to my daughters how thoughtful and respectful this young man was, as he was so careful to disguise his predicament in order not to make his hosts uncomfortable. I told them, “What goes around comes around,” and they can be sure that history will repeat itself one day and that he will be repaid for his kindness.

Fast-forward to this past Sukkos. We had this same young man at our home for the first night of Sukkos. At the conclusion of the meal, we invited him for lunch on Simchas Torah. We told him that services at our shul run late on Simchas Torah and that he should arrive at our home for lunch at 3:30 p.m.

But shul ended at 1:00 p.m. that Simchas Torah and we returned home to eat. No one remembered that we had invited this young man for lunch. We ate as soon as we got home, and by 2:15 p.m. my wife and I were both asleep. At 3:30, the young man knocked at the door, anticipating lunch. My children, without missing a beat, set the table and roused us from our nap. Once at the table, we made Kiddush, washed, cut into challah, and ate our second lunch of the day.

This is one article I hope our guest does not read.

David Seidemann is a partner with the law firm of Seidemann and Mermelstein and serves as a professor of business law at Touro College. He can be reached at 718-692-1013 or ds@lawofficesm.com.

Senator Marco Rubio
with Phil and Malki Rosen

Marco Rubio with Phil Rosen and family at NY event

The event featured Five Towns hosts like Phil Rosen and Ben Heller—both of them well known in philanthropic circles and deeply concerned about the future of America and the U.S.–Israel relationship.

The next all-important election for president is a bit more than a year away, but most of us are waiting with bated breath for Barack Obama to hit the Bill Clinton-type of speakers and lecture circuit and to just cease and desist from doing irreparable damage to the United States.

A little over a year from now, Mr. Obama will be attracting millions of dollars in speaker’s fees and book advance payments. The idea of doing his fair share and redistributing some of his income will in all likelihood fade from his mind and agenda.

Mr. Obama promised eight years ago that we were about to see a “fundamental transformation” of this country, but he did not say anything about the change necessarily being for the better. Now, as Peggy Noonan of the Wall Street Journal noted, world leaders at this pivotal juncture in history do not just see him as a lame duck but view him in general as just being plain lame.

So now there is a year to go to the election and the time is arriving for those who are actively involved and supporters of candidates for elected office to make their moves to throw their weight and their cash behind one or more of the current candidates.

Mr. Rosen, Mr. Heller, and their assembled committee have decided that for the better good of their prioritized agenda, the way to go is to support the candidacy of Florida Senator Marco Rubio to be the next president of the United States of America.

So having attended the event in midtown Manhattan last week, here are some impressions of the event, the candidate, and his supporters at this important but early juncture of the campaign.

Overall, the Republican lineup of declared candidates is an impressive array of accomplished personalities. Those stepping up and stepping forward to run for the leadership of this country are—for now anyway—potentially sacrificing a great deal. Those whom I have seen, heard, or even spoken with are driven mostly by need—to turn America into what it was intended to be: a free country where truly everyone has the ability to get ahead.

And this was essentially Marco Rubio’s message the other night. Rubio—who is just 44 years old—is well spoken with an impressive and unhesitating grasp of the issues. The thing about Marco Rubio, the critics say, is that he has only been in the Senate for four years now in the midst of his first term. That observation would seem to speak to his lack of experience, except for the fact that according to across-the-board polling, those doing the best are the candidates with the least political experience like Trump, Carson, and Fiorina.

Rubio is quick and glib. There is no hesitation in his responses and reactions to comments and questions. Nor is there a teleprompter or any notes. It’s just the candidate and the people, and there is no question that while he is not the only candidate to present himself in this fashion, this is an important requisite for the leadership this country now needs. There has been enough hemming, hawing, and hesitating about what is really in the best interest of this country.

In his introduction of the candidate, Mr. Rosen said that he has turned his support in the direction of Mr. Rubio because, “Israel is under attack even at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.” He added that after spending time with Mr. Rubio, it is clear to him, “that Marco Rubio feels Israel in his heart and in his kishkes.”

In his remarks to the 200 or so people gathered at the event last week, Mr. Rubio said that this evening, with a large contingent of members of the New York Orthodox Jewish community in attendance, was the best he had held to date in his campaign. According to some media reports, the evening raised over $300,000 for the Rubio campaign.

Marco Rubio in his presentation said that he did not simply consider his effort a political campaign, but that he was presiding over what he called a cause. He said that America needs to change direction and that if we have another four years of Obama-type Democratic rule in this country, the damage that has been inflicted on the U.S. these last seven years will not be reversible.

The Marco Rubio story is a success story that even he says the Democrats would have liked to own. His parents came to this country from Cuba in 1956. His mother worked as a housekeeper in hotels here in New York, Florida, and Las Vegas. His father worked as a bartender often late or right through the night—not able to be home often enough with his wife and children.

For his part, Rubio says that he has lived the American dream; that is, the opportunity to get ahead and seizing that opportunity. He says that it is important that we hand to our children an America that is better than we found it. That is not the America that Obama is planning on leaving the next generation, with insurmountable debt that will take generations to properly pay off.

Rubio is well aware of his rather young age but at the same time insists that the country needs a president who understands the challenges of the 21st century and not one who chooses to govern based on rules and policies that just do not work anymore.

“Look, our largest hotelier is Airbnb and they don’t own any hotels. Our largest transportation company is Uber and they do not own even one car. And our greatest retailer is Amazon and they don’t own one store,” Rubio says. His point is that there is a new economy out there, and applying these concepts to contemporary times is the only formula that will facilitate economic advancement for the citizenry.

Rubio stood out at the last Republican debate when he predicted that Vladimir Putin would be moving planes, tanks, and troops into Syria to rehabilitate and save Bashar Assad. Less than two weeks after the prognostication, Putin and company were dropping bombs on Syrian militants opposed to the Assad regime and to an extent supported by the United States. President Obama’s reaction was to declare Mr. Putin’s show of force a sign of weakness.

At last week’s New York event, Rubio referred to Putin as, “The gangster in Moscow.” He said at a time when the world was in turmoil, the Obama administration is “destroying our military capabilities by cutting our armed forces across the board.”

Then in rapid-fire succession, Senator Rubio declared, “As president, I will rebuild the U.S. military, will restore America’s foreign policy, and reverse the downhill trend that treats the ayatollahs in Iran better than Prime Minister Netanyahu.”

On a further foreign-policy note, on the day of the meeting with donors, it was announced that Cuban troops had joined the fight in Syria alongside the Russian military. Were we supposed to know that Cuba had an army? With his family hailing from Cuba, Rubio was in his zone when he commented that we should not be surprised that Cuba is on the ground in Syria despite the rapprochement with Mr. Obama, the exchange of ambassadors, and the opening of embassies after more than 50 years of no diplomatic contact between the U.S. and Cuba.

“Despite all that, Cuba has no respect for Obama,” Rubio said. “Both Russia and China have listening stations on the island so that they can easily eardrop on the U.S. Central Command that is located in Tampa, Florida. And on and on it goes.”

Rubio made it clear that his administration would veto a proposal at the United Nations that would create a Palestinian state, once again declaring without reservation or doubt that “America is on Israel’s side.” And that’s good to hear.

So is Marco Rubio our man? There is a good possibility as we take note of his continuing rise in the national polls leaving him—this week anyway—right behind Donald Trump and Ben Carson and way ahead of Jeb Bush. As we said above, there is some great talent assembled and positioned for the Republican nomination for next president of the United States. The group we were with last week says it is comfortable with Marco Rubio. There is a year to go in which anything can happen. The folks with the money in New York are placing their bets on Rubio. There’s no question that he comes across and looks like a winner.

Comments for Larry Gordon are welcome at editor@5tjt.com.

By Yosef Rabin

I was not surprised by the contemptible views expressed recently by Rabbi Avi Shafran, who is also the director of public affairs for Agudath Israel of America. I was surprised that he decided at this most sensitive time to publicly blame Jews for the crime of trying to pray on the Temple Mount. There is no doubt that such an attitude both legitimizes and strengthens Arab violence with a “rabbinic” stamp of approval. In my eyes, Shafran’s comments border on the criminal and he should be condemned by all.

In an article posted on the Ha’aretz website, Rabbi Shafran tries to place the blame of Arab violence on Jews who ascend to the Temple Mount in accordance with Jewish Law. He makes several astounding statements in his article (see Page 24), which distort history, fact, and Jewish law.

Rabbi Shafran writes: “Which brings us to the other irresponsible abettors of the current violence against Israeli Jews.”

With those words, Rabbi Shafran is getting ready to pounce on those evil nationalistic (Religious Zionists) Jews who dare to act as free men on their own soil. It is sad to see the type of exile-ghetto Jew Shafran truly is; I hope that he does not celebrate Chanukah and commemorate those terrible rebels who started a war that could have gotten everyone killed. I know that Shafran will answer that the Greeks tried to stop us from keeping the commandments and that the Maccabees had no choice. To this I can only answer that those who oppose ascent to the Mount are also trying to stop Jews from fulfilling great and crucial commandments. A prime example is the korban Pesach, which is still binding in our times.

I would only hope that Shafran abandons Purim, due to Mordechai’s irresponsible behavior by boycotting the king’s banquet and refusing to bow before Haman. Mordechai should have also made merry in the presence of the stolen vessels of the Temple at a party that was organized to celebrate the eternal downfall of the Jewish people. Mordechai should have bowed before Haman despite the fact that Haman wore an idol on his neck, because, after all, there was a danger to life. I guess according to Shafran, Mordechai put all the Jews in grave danger for his “nationalistic rush” and should also be condemned.

Rabbi Shafran writes: “In 1967, after Jerusalem was reunited, a decision was made to not disturb Muslim worship on the Temple Mount. Some, including Moshe Dayan, toyed with the idea of razing the mosques there, but reason won out—with the encouragement of great rabbinic figures of the time.”

In 1967, Moshe Dayan did everything in his power to create a new reality for the Jewish people. He decided that the Western Wall was the new Temple Mount and thus created a massive plaza in front of the Western Wall. This was of course a terrible plot to divert the attention of the nation away from the Temple Mount. The chief rabbinate, sadly, went along with Dayan’s great scam, because no one at the time knew the exact boundary dividing the permitted and forbidden areas of the Temple Mount. Four hundred years earlier the evil Turkish Empire expelled Jews from the Temple Mount and forced them to descend to the small dark alleyway that stood before the Western Wall to pray. The rabbinate should have waited, checked the facts, and then come to a decision, but like in the time of Ezra HaSofer, most rabbis were weak in spirit and not ready for the great challenge of the Temple.

There was one alleged conversation between Chief Rabbi of the IDF Shlomo Goren, ob’m, and General Uzi Narkis, where Rabbi Goren requested the removal of the Dome of the Rock. I should note that the closest students of Rabbi Goren deny that the conversation ever took place. I heard directly from Rabbi Goren’s personal driver that the conversation never happened. Moshe Dayan, who was an extremely anti-religious Jew and was even opposed to the liberation of the Old City, certainly had no intention of ever harming the Dome of the Rock. In fact, when Dayan reached the Mount and witnessed the glorious sight of an Israeli flag unfurled over the Dome of the Rock itself, he demanded its immediate removal and proclaimed, “We do not need this Vatican.” Three days later, Dayan shamefully went into the Al Aqsa Mosque, took off his shoes, and forfeited the greatest Jewish victory since the time of the Maccabees by granting the Arabs full control of the Holy Mount.

“The Temple Mount is in our hands” was over within three short days, and the great betrayal had begun. I should also mention that Dayan tried to pull the same stunt in Hebron at the Cave of the Patriarchs, but all the rabbis backed Rabbi Shlomo Goren and the Torah stayed inside and the flag of our freedom stood high and proud over the cave.

Rabbi Shafran adds: “Leave aside the fact that Jews are prohibited by Jewish law, as interpreted by its most recognized arbiters, from ascending the Mount.”

As we already mentioned above, Jews had been banned from entering the Temple Mount for about 400 years, from the time of Turkish rule until 1967. Knowledge of the forbidden and prohibited areas of the Mount had been blurred. I would hope that even Shafran would admit that according to Jewish law one is permitted and even adjured to ascend the Temple Mount in our times. I would hope that Shafran would admit that we are still commanded in our age to bring many biblical sacrifices even without the Temple standing, despite our impure state. The facts are all laid out in the writings of Maimonides; we can easily establish beyond doubt that once we know the permitted and forbidden areas it is permitted and even a holy obligation to enter the Temple Mount.

Rabbi Shlomo Goren instructed the chief engineer of the IDF to take careful measurements of the entire Temple Mount and used this study to discern the location of the Temple and permitted areas. Rabbi Goren wrote a very detailed and comprehensive book titled The Temple Mount, which is replete with detailed maps and rabbinic and biblical sources. With the former chief rabbi’s work, plus the illegal Arab digs that have taken place over the past 15 years, we now know definitively where one may or may not tread on the Mount. Perhaps our detractors forgot that according to all rabbinic opinions it is forbidden for non-Jews to tread on the spot of the Temple and that infraction incurs the death penalty.

Numerous great rabbis ascend or at least support those who ascend. Rabbi Elyakim Levanon (chief rabbi of Samaria); Rabbi Dov Lior (former chief rabbi of Kiryat Arba); Rabbi Nachum Eliezer Rabinovich (rosh yeshivat Ma’aleh Adumim); Rabbi Tzfanya Drori (chief rabbi of Kiryat Shmona); and Rabbi Yaakov Meidan (rosh yeshivat Har Eztion) are just a few among a list of over 300 ascending rabbis. There are also a number of rabbis who do not ascend, but who defend rabbis who do ascend, including Rabbi Shmuel Eliyahu (chief rabbi of Tsfat); Rabbi Eliezer Melamed (chief rabbi of Har Bracha); Rabbi Chaim Druckman (rosh yeshivot Bnei Akiva); and Rabbi Chaim Eiram (chief rabbi of Elazar), among many others.

Shafran asks: “Is the nationalistic rush born of physically asserting that the Har HaBayit is Judaism’s holiest site worth the hatred it has spawned among violent Arabs? Is the ‘victory’ of praying in a holy spot worth the innocent blood spilled as a result?”

If our goal was only to pray, then Shafran might just have a point. But our goals are broader and our aims higher. We are in a process that will lead to the rededication of the Temple service in our days. Please do not forget that Arabs were slaughtering Jews in the 1920s because Jews refused to stop praying at the Western Wall. In 1991, on Sukkot, less than one hour after the completion of the mass Birkat Kohanim, which over 20,000 Jews attended, Arab mobs threw stones down on the Kotel plaza from the Temple Mount. Had the attack taken place even half an hour earlier, there would have been thousands of casualties. So perhaps according to the Shafran code, we should stop praying at the Western Wall as well.

The Goal Of The Temple Mount Movement

“I will bring them to My Holy Mount, and I will cause them to rejoice in My house of prayer, their burnt offerings and their sacrifices shall be accepted upon My altar, for My house shall be called a house of prayer for all peoples” (Yeshayah 56:7).

This verse outlines for us the four stages that will lead to the rebuilding of the Temple: ascent, prayer, sacrifice, and, lastly, the rebuilding of the Temple. This was the same way that Ezra and Nehemiah rebuilt the second Temple. They first ascended, then they built an altar, and then years later actually rebuilt the Temple—and they did this under threat as well. “And they (non-Jews) all banded together to come to wage war against Jerusalem and to wreak destruction therein,” but the Jews responded as good Jews should. “The builders of the wall and the carriers of the loads were loading, with one hand doing the work and one holding the sword.” (Nechemiah 4:2–11). Had Shafran been in charge they would have just run back to Babylon with their tails between their legs, but that is not how a good Jew responds to terror and threats.

A good Jew fights his battles and stands his ground, and we learn this from King David: “Of David. Blessed is the L‑rd, my Rock, Who trains my hands for battle, my fingers for war . . . Deliver me and rescue me from the hands of foreigners, whose mouth speaks vanity and whose right hand is a right hand of falsehood” (Tehillim 144:2–11). We are fighting for our existence; we are fighting for the Divine return to Zion, which will only occur via our great efforts and prayer; and like Ezra I call upon everyone to join us in this holy mission.

Rabbi Shafran would do well to remember what our sages taught us in the Talmud (Shabbat 114): “Any Torah scholar who has a stain found on his clothing it is like he incurs the penalty of death.” If our sages stress the importance of the outward appearance of a single Torah scholar, just imagine the importance of the physical appearance of the entire Jewish Nation and our Holy Temple Mount. Our holy prophet Ezekiel admonishes us in chapter 36, saying: “They entered the nations where they came, and they profaned My Holy Name, as it was said of them, these are the people of the Lord, and they have left His land.”

I could only imagine that the desecration of G‑d’s Holy Name is tenfold when Jews are dwelling in the Holy Land and permit non-Jews to trash the Holy Mount with picnics, soccer games, and mass rallies calling for our annihilation.

Rabbi Shafran, please support us or remain silent. For an exile-Jew to attack the rebuilders of the Temple is both intolerable and unthinkable.

Reprinted from Arutz Sheva (IsraelNationalNews.com)

Yosef Rabin is a United Temple Mount Movement activist who has been involved in the ongoing battle for Jewish rights and sovereignty on the Temple Mount for over 10 years. Having made aliyah from the U.S., today Yosef is married and lives in Jerusalem.

UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon and Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu

Mahmoud Abbas of the PA
with President Barack Obama

By Larry Gordon

The debate rages on: Do all lives matter or do black lives matter? And why the dichotomy anyway? Doesn’t the reference to “all” mean precisely that? As in, every life matters—absolutely, without any exception?

It is a puzzle that now seems a bit more solvable in the aftermath of the random murders over the last few weeks in Israel. The victims have just one simple qualification—that they be Jewish. There is limited outrage around the world at the death of Jews walking in the street or waiting for a bus. Those complicit in this apathetic non-reaction run the gamut from the president of the United States, the secretary of state, the Palestinian Authority, the United Nations, and the New York Times.

I have an urge to assign some blame to the government of Israel for being too concerned about and lending too much credibility to all of the above. Benjamin Netanyahu is a great leader, but some of the positions he touts create some doubt about the rightness of the policies that need to remain firm so that Israel is not seen as cowering to her avowed and violent enemies.

So Mahmoud Abbas, now in the eleventh year of his four-year term as president of the Palestinian Authority, is a liar. Over the last few days, Mr. Netanyahu has made that assertion in a variety of forums but that declaration has not come as a surprise or shaken anyone up. Yes, Abbas lies to save his own skin and life, and not shockingly that is why he has been able to remain in power all these years. We can argue that he is just doing his job.

The number-one priority at this point is to reduce the hysterics and calm things down on the streets in Israel. The question is how to do that when the adversaries—in this case Mr. Abbas and the hoodlums in Hamas—might say that they do not want the violence to continue while simultaneously encouraging such attacks.

Whether you believe that visiting certain areas of Har HaBayit is halachically permissible or not, restricting visitor rights so that only Jews don’t have rights up there just projects an image of weakness. The proper approach might be to insist that Jews have as much a right to be up there as anyone else but that for now it is prudent to restrict such visits in the interest of keeping the peace.

On the matter of wrong and irresponsible comments by President Obama and Secretary Kerry that an increase in settlement building may have provoked this wild resort to violence, the reaction from Israel should probably be about setting the record straight with the facts. It would probably benefit Israel if the reality on the ground were presented, rather than Netanyahu virtually bragging that he has presided over less building in the territories than either Ehud Barak or Ehud Olmert, both left-leaning, irresponsible prime ministers of the past.

Let’s forget for a moment that Bibi Netanyahu was recently reelected in part by promising to strengthen the Jewish presence in Judea and Samaria and in Jerusalem and asserting Israel’s sovereignty over the Temple Mount. Instead it looks like the prime minister—for now, anyway—is proud of his record of implementing a policy that is the exact opposite of all those election-campaign promises and assurances.

It is important to note that Bibi has made these public proclamations not to illustrate what a great peace-loving guy he is, but rather to demonstrate unequivocally that the wanton, violent attacks on Jews on Israel’s streets is not really about the Temple Mount, Jerusalem, or settlements. It is about the desire to murder Jews and try to chase them out of the land of Israel. It is also about incitement and the worst kind of prejudice and racism that no country would tolerate to even a minimal degree.

You may have heard of Jabil Rajoub. He is a member of the Fatah Governing Council, is close to President Abbas, was one the heads of the PA police, and if you study the details of his career, it comes down to the fact that he is just a 62-year-old terrorist.

Rajoub lauded those attacking in the streets and on buses last week. He made the observation that the international community will not tolerate or sit quietly by if there are attacks perpetrated in Tel Aviv. He said that as long as the attacks are in Judea and Samaria or Jerusalem, world leaders will cut the Palestinians some slack. And that has been proven so far to be the case. By the way, Rajoub, like Abbas, is considered a moderate.

So it’s one thing if old worn-down liars like Abbas and Rajoub fan the flames and encourage their youth to kill. It’s really something else, sad but not shocking, when these “always say die” terror types have such kind cooperation in distorting reality from the New York Times.

The murder of Jews has hardly made it into the news section of the paper. When reported upon at all, the killing of the attackers by Israel police or the IDF was always given parity with the assaults on the victims. To the Times that shares the Obama-Kerry type of thought process, Jews provoke their killers by living quiet and peaceful lives inside Israel.

A Times editorial on October 16 referred to “the spreading rings of attacks and reprisals.” What the editorial writer apparently means by that is that when authorities subdue and eliminate a killer, they are not policing or protecting the citizenry, but are indulging in the act of “reprisals.”

Further in the same editorial, they offer the following: “Breaking the cycle of violence will require more than self-defense. It will require creating a Palestinian state alongside Israel.” That is the precisely wrong formula needed in order to restore law and order in the cities of Israel. This is the plan that creates more chaos and eventually war.

Back in the days of Prime Ministers Begin and Shamir, when violence flared and emanated from Arab areas, the government established new communities at the site of the attack. Backing off and claiming that Israel is retreating by lifting roadblocks in the territories or constructing temporary walls in between Arab and Jewish neighborhoods emboldens the terror merchants.

Accepting stabbings, shootings, and the death of Jews at the hands of Arabs throughout Israel on an almost daily basis while the world remains silent encourages more of the same. The silence and lack of specific condemnation of those perpetrating terror from Washington, the UN, other Arab leaders, and the European Union sends an awfully destructive message. It says that Jewish lives do not matter. Their silence is not just deafening, it’s murderous.

Comments for Larry Gordon are welcome at editor@5tjt.com.

By Anessa V. Cohen

I have always been a numbers person, even when I was a little girl. Some excel in computers, others in literature, science, or languages. Every person is different and their areas of expertise may evolve as time goes on.

I realized at a young age that I loved to play around with numbers—just as I used to love playing board games and sports. It was not unusual for me to be a couple of years ahead of my class in math at school. It was just a subject that I loved and was good at. Little did I know back then that I would be using those skills daily in my careers as a real-estate broker and a mortgage broker (now known as a mortgage originator).

Years ago, before I had my own agency, I worked in a large real-estate office, doing real estate and mortgage origination. Many of the sales agents who had no problem when it came to figuring out the numbers for putting together a house sale could never get the numbers straight when it came to balancing their checkbooks regularly. After working with me for a while, they used to make monthly appointments with me so that I could balance their checkbooks and untangle whatever mess they created during the previous month. I considered this endeavor a good practice to keep my calculations sharp, and so I helped them with pleasure.

After many years of originating mortgages, I have come to realize that most people have a problem balancing their checkbooks or keeping tabs on what is current or not-so-current in terms of their monthly assets and expenses. It is not unusual for clients to bring me piles of jumbled paperwork—claiming that the sum and total of their assets and expenses are somewhere in the pile now sitting on the table in front of us. If I can just unravel the puzzle they have left me, we can find the numbers necessary to start calculating what they qualify for in terms of mortgaging.

Applying for a mortgage does require a paper trail of several months of assets, as well as an itemization of existing expenses in addition to a proper calculation of actual income. Crunching the numbers to get the answers to all these questions has to be done before the mortgage prequalification papers can be filed.

Preparing the needed paperwork seems to be the most stressful part of the mortgage process for those would-be borrowers who have just placed bank statements, paystubs, and other necessary expense tabulation paperwork in piles or boxes over long period of times, always figuring that when they have the time, they will eventually organize everything—“one day.” Unfortunately for them, that day does not arrive until the moment they suddenly realize that they are going to need some of those documents to prepare for a mortgage application. By that point, the needed stuff is buried somewhere amid the hills of paperwork to file “one day.” Definitely not a fun time for those who need to sift through mounds of papers in order to move ahead with mortgage applications!

The short answer is to keep at least the last three months of financial statements, along with your tax returns and attachments from the last two years, in an easily accessible file. Aside from possibly needing these papers for mortgage applications, many other situations can arise during the course of the year that may require you to provide these basic asset-and-income information documents. Having them handy will save you a whole lot of stress and needless digging through piles of “paperwork to be filed one day.” Sometimes that “one day” arrives when you least expect it—and you need something you can’t find!

Anessa Cohen lives in Cedarhurst and is a licensed real-estate broker and a licensed N.Y.S. mortgage broker with over 20 years of experience, offering full-service residential and commercial real-estate services (Anessa V Cohen Realty) and mortgaging services (First Meridian Mortgage) in the Five Towns and throughout the tri-state area. She can be reached at 516-569-5007 or via her website, www.AVCrealty.com. Readers are encouraged to send questions or comments to anessa@AVCrealty.com.

By Hannah Reich Berman

Some forty years ago, I overheard a telephone conversation that my then-teenage daughter was having with one of her friends. These two girls, along with several of their other pals, were hooked on soap operas. Never having been a soap-opera fan, I was unsympathetic to my daughter’s love of them. On that day, because of a sore throat and fever, she had stayed home from school and, unbeknownst to me, her plan for the day was to watch all of her favorite soap operas.

It was just before dinner when I overheard her talking to her friend, who had called to find out from my daughter what had happened on the soaps that day. Although it was so long ago, I vividly remember what my daughter said: “I have no idea what happened because some guy in a white robe and wearing a white yarmulke on his head was in town and that was the only thing on television all afternoon. Can you believe that? Here I was home all day and I could not see a single soap!”

I cracked up when I heard that. And I immediately realized that this daughter of mine had no idea who the pope was or why every news channel was covering his visit to the United States. I not only remember my daughter’s conversation with her friend, I also recall her indignation at having missed her “programs.” The only thing I do not remember is which pope it was who came to town.

Fast-forward many years, and now I understand my daughter’s frustration. Thanks to DVR service, it is rare that I watch programs when they air. Instead, I record all programs of interest and then play them back at my convenience. This DVR service is terrific. It allows me to fast-forward and thereby skip the commercials, and it allows me to pause the program if I have to leave the house. It even allows me to start watching a program in one room, pause it, and continue watching the rest of it in another room. Ah, the miracles of modern-day living!

One program that I sometimes enjoy is Dr. Phil. If his guests seem to be reasonably normal people, and if the topic up for discussion is of importance and of interest to me, I watch it. If not, I delete it. What could be simpler?

One night, not long ago, when I was unable to fall asleep, I decided to watch an episode of Dr. Phil that I had previously recorded. His guests appeared to be genuine and they were solid citizens with a family problem that too many people live with today. It was a mesmerizing session and I watched exactly 48 minutes of it, until it suddenly went off-air and I never got to see the conclusion.

Just 12 minutes before the program was scheduled to end, as it was winding down and Dr. Phil was sorting things out for his guests (and for the viewers), the words “Special Report” appeared on the screen and—just as my daughter had described all those years ago—there was a man with a white robe and what resembled a white yarmulke. This happened last month, and it was Pope Francis as his plane was touching down in the United States for his first visit to our country. I hoped the special report would be brief. It was not. The Dr. Phil program continued, but it could not be seen by the television-viewing audience, so I never got to see the end of it. It was frustrating. I shrugged my shoulders and deleted the recording.

Still wakeful and unable to sleep, I decided to watch another episode of Dr. Phil. This episode had been filmed the next day. These guests also appeared to be sensible and genuine people, and this topic was also an interesting one. But once again, I never saw the last few minutes of the program because the dreaded words “Special Report” showed up on the screen. The visiting pope was making his way to a university campus in Washington, DC, and the CBS, NBC, and ABC news crews were covering the historic event. Now I was really annoyed! For the second time I had watched through the program only to miss out on the end of it. Annoyance was not my only emotion. I was also contrite because it brought me back in time to when my daughter had the same problem. The only difference is that she was quite young and did not know a pope from a pear. I knew exactly who Pope Francis is.

I have nothing against the pope. Nor do I have anything against anyone else’s religion. As he is the leader of the Catholic Church, it is understandable that a great many people would want to see him, if only on television. These were in fact historic moments and everything was filmed. The pope’s itinerary had taken him first to Cuba, then to DC, and eventually on to New York and Philadelphia. Apparently, I hadn’t recorded any program when he landed in Cuba, but after that it was all downhill for me.

I was not crazy about the timing of these events. Would it have hurt anyone if the “reporting” had started just a few minutes later so that I could see the conclusion of an hour-long program? It is not often that I like two Dr. Phil programs back to back. But—my luck—this was one of those times. It’s like reading a good magazine story in a doctor’s waiting room and then discovering that somebody has torn out the concluding paragraphs—probably because there was a recipe on the back side of the page. And my guess is that she (the gal who tore it out) will probably never even make that recipe.

I have no idea if my daughter remembers her experience, but I plan to remind her. And I will tell her that although it took a long time, I finally got my comeuppance. I now know exactly how she felt when the same thing happened to her. That’s the way it is!

Hannah Berman lives in Woodmere and gives private small-group lessons in mah-jongg and canasta. She can be reached at Savtahannah@aol.com or 516-902-3733.

Support for Israel is always high on the HANC agenda. In light of recent tragic events, HANC high-schoolers stormed the gates of Heaven with a Tehillim gathering last week.

Question

I have a huge dilemma. I think I’ve met the guy of my dreams. He is cute, nice, thoughtful, and a real mensch. The problem is that he cannot hold down a job. He is very bright and has an MBA, but at 42 years old, he’s probably had more jobs than birthdays.

Even during the times he is out of work, he still takes me out on nice dates. We always go to one restaurant for dinner and to another for dessert.

I don’t care so much about the money now, because I work. But if we get married one day, it might become a problem, because things cost so much more for a couple. I know of marriages where the husband stays home and the wife works.

I really like him a lot and want to marry him. My question is, should I continue to date someone I might have to support for the rest of my life?

I’ve never had much luck with guys. If it’s not one thing, it’s another. Or maybe there are not too many good, reliable guys out there.

Response

By Baila Sebrow

The main issue in dating a guy who appears to be incapable of holding down a job is being able to maintain respect for him. A guy who never likes his job or is not sure what to do with his life is not someone a wife can hold in high regard for too long. You do not state your age, but based on this guy’s age I will assume that you are not very young yourself. Given that, are you still dating him because you are concerned that you might not meet someone else you feel compatible with? If so, I am sorry to say that is never a good enough reason to marry anyone you have serious doubts about.

There are varied reasons why some people cannot hold down a job. Maybe this guy is accepting positions that he might otherwise turn down if he didn’t need the salary. There are many educated and qualified people who are unable to find employment at the level they feel qualified for. But everyone has bills to pay, so they accept a lower position to tide them over. In this guy’s case, he appears to treat you nicely, if not extravagantly, during those periods.

If someone works in a position he deems inferior, it can feel pretty discouraging to see that the people he reports to may know less than he does or are less educated than he is. Finding oneself in such circumstances can feel demoralizing for these folks, so they either quit their jobs or will deliberately create situations that will get them fired.

If this guy falls into such a category, I am not too concerned about him as an individual. Rather, I am more worried about his financial future. It seems that during the times that he is not working, he is likely living off his savings. That can be a problem, especially if there are wide gaps between jobs. Particularly more so if he decides to get married and have a family life one day. That would mean that his wife will end up being the sole provider until he finds a job that will actually make him happy.

The most troublesome cause of the inability to hold down a job would be if he repeatedly gets fired for not getting along with his superiors or peers. There are times that the most skilled employees in the world get pink-slipped because they have repeated ongoing conflicts with their co-workers or are insubordinate to their superiors. You need to consider that you might be involved with a guy who has personality issues. Of course, there might be other issues that may have nothing to do with anything I suggested. My question is whether you have ever discussed the reason for his lack of employment stability. Or are you afraid to bring it up, lest he panic and break up with you?

Typically, when people desperately want a relationship to work out, not only will they overlook any irregularity and peculiarity within the individual, but they are afraid even to draw attention to it. The fact that he is 42 years old and still does not have stability in his life would indicate that what you see is what you get. You need to ask yourself, how do you view marriage with a man you may ultimately lose respect for? And regardless of how you praise him now, should his work habits continue like this or worsen, I am sure you will find even his positive attributes distasteful sooner or later. How do I know that will happen? By the sheer fact that you are already questioning his behavior.

There are couples that, for whatever reason, have reversed roles in their relationship. There are families in which the husband stays home and maintains the “housewife” position, taking care of all household responsibilities, while the wife is out in the workforce earning the income. Each case is different, and this phenomenon should not be used as a model for your own situation. It is, however, possible for such marriages to have shalom bayis when both husband and wife agree to and accept their roles.

I want to touch upon why you feel that you do not have any luck with guys. I am not ready to agree that there aren’t enough good, reliable men out there to marry. What I will say is that you likely have not yet met a guy with whom you feel compatible. I understand why you feel the way you do. It sounds like you have not had an easy time in your matrimonial search, and that can be extremely frustrating. Not only that, but the older you get, the more it seems like there is less to choose from.

To find a man with whom you can have a healthy relationship, in addition to hashkafah and common values and goals (and perhaps a measure of attraction), confidence, ambition, and stability on his part are necessary. What he does for a living is not so important as long as he is doing something productive. If a man does not feel like he is making a difference by being industrious, it will affect his self-esteem. In most cases, those who lack self-esteem have difficulty maintaining successful interpersonal relationships. And if you are married to such a man, he will—as crazy as it sounds—end up being jealous of your professional success. At times, this type of person might even make off-putting remarks to his wife as his way of dealing with his failures.

Rather than being the guy of your dreams, he may not turn out to be a loving and caring husband, because of these issues that will need to be confronted in a marriage. Right now, you may not see this relationship in a discouraging light because in the back of your mind you might even believe that you could possibly change him. Sadly, that will not happen at this point of his life.

In my opinion, the best you can hope for is to find out the cause of his employment instability. But you need to be prepared for there being no long-term remedy for it, no matter the cause. If you understand the lifestyle you are undertaking and are determined to marry this guy anyway, I advise you to prepare a financial backup plan for when you may need to stop working.

You must honestly be able to answer for yourself whether you believe that you possess the emotional stamina to withstand such a marriage. Perhaps, after much introspection, and with your eyes wide open, you will be ready to take the marriage plunge with this guy. However, if you decide to end your relationship, as pained as you will naturally feel, please do not think that you will never again meet another guy you will like. You have demonstrated that you’re capable of sustaining a relationship, even willing to disregard a major issue. I am confident that sooner rather than later, you will meet your match.

Baila Sebrow is president of Neshoma Advocates, communications and recruitment liaison for Sovri-Beth Israel, executive director of Teach Our Children, and a shadchanis. She can be reached at Bsebrow@aol.com.

Questions and comments can be submitted to 5townsforum@gmail.com.

By Rabbi Avrohom Sebrow

In recent years, some organizations have been publicizing their conclusion that it is perfectly fine according to Jewish law for men to marry women who are older than them. However, one could argue that the Gemara in Sotah (2a) seems to imply that if one wants to marry his soul mate, he must marry a woman who is younger than him.

The Gemara says, “Rav Yehudah said in Rav’s name: Forty days before the formation of a fetus, a Heavenly voice proclaims, ‘The daughter of Ploni (so-and-so) is intended for Ploni (this baby).’” (Rabbeinu Yechiel of Paris explained that “40 days before the formation of a fetus” is another way of saying “at the time of conception.” Only a 40-day-old fetus is considered formed. At the end of Nazir we referenced this point; a woman only brings a korban after a miscarriage if the fetus was over 40 days old.)

Why doesn’t the Gemara simply state that a Heavenly voice proclaims that so-and-so will marry so-and-so? Why does the Gemara refer to the potential wife as “the daughter of so-and-so”? A simple solution would be that at the time of the Heavenly proclamation regarding this male child, his female counterpart hasn’t been conceived yet, so she is referred to as the daughter of some person, rather than as a person herself. Hence, in the preordained union, the male partner is older than the female.

However, to dispel this explanation, Tosfos say that the announcement is always made before the male child is formed “whether or not the female was already born.” The preordained wife could have already been born when the Heavenly voice proclaims which male child she will marry. Hence, it is perfectly fine for a man to marry a woman who is older than he is.

Still, how are we to understand the Gemara’s use of the phrase “the daughter of so-and-so” instead of the simpler “such and such girl”? Various suggestions have been offered. The Iyun Yaakov explains that the Torah gives a father the right to marry off his daughter until she turns 12½. Since the father can take a more active role in his daughter’s marriage, the Gemara refers to the girl as the daughter of so-and-so.

Alternatively, the Iyun Yaakov suggests that the phrase was used simply to keep a stylistic parallelism in the text of this lesson. After stating, “The daughter of so-and-so is destined for so-and-so,” the Gemara continues, “The house of so-and-so is destined for so-and-so; the field of so-and-so is destined for so-and-so.”

The Iyun Yaakov offers a third explanation, which is the exact opposite of the original inference mentioned in the beginning of this article. The Gemara is specifically discussing a case where the girl was already born. Since she was already born, she can rightly be called the daughter of so-and-so. However, someone who was not yet born cannot be called someone’s daughter or son. Hence, since the announcement is made while the boy is still a fetus, he is referred to simply by the moniker “Ploni.” The older girl was already born, so she can rightly be referred to as the daughter of Ploni.

What follows in the rest of this article is a loose translation from the sefer Pninei Rabbeinu HaKehillos Yaakov of the Steipler Gaon (vol. 1, page 34) that is apropos to the discussion of our Gemara:

It has become clear to me that when the Gemara says that the daughter of so-and-so is for so-and-so, it is not an absolute decree that it must be that way. There is no guarantee that the shidduch will actually happen. Rather, the Heavenly voice is proclaiming that the following shidduch is appropriate and should be made. . . .

Ultimately the choice (free will) is left to the individuals. It is very common that when a boy and girl meet for the first time, they are reticent and say few words to each other. Then they tell their parents that they are not interested in the shidduch because the other party is too introverted.

They should have prepared topics to discuss and appropriate questions. The bachur should have prepared questions—for example, Where do you study now? Or do you teach? Which Bais Yaakov did you attend? Which shiurim did you attend? What did you discuss about the last holiday? Which Chumash are you learning or teaching? How did you understand this incident?

Further, the bachur should prepare stories about tzaddikim and short mussar concepts from various mashgichim so that they will have enough to talk about.

Then the Gemara of “bas Ploni to Ploni” will be fulfilled.

Further, a boy could lose the “bas Ploni” because of his arrogance. He may think that he is someone very special and needs a girl with all the “maalos.” He wants a rich, brilliant, beautiful girl from the most chashuv family. Every girl he meets is not good enough for him. One may be slightly too tall or slightly too short; one is just average; one is not wealthy enough. He therefore discards all potential shidduchim. He will also lose out on his “bas Ploni.”

Rabbi Avrohom Sebrow leads a daf yomi chaburah at Eitz Chayim of Dogwood Park in West Hempstead. He can be contacted at ASebrow@gmail.com.

By Phyllis J. Lubin

What does October mean to the Lubin family? Besides being the month in which our daughter Rochel was born—as was I—it has also become known to the general population as Down Syndrome Awareness Month. (Down syndrome is also referred to in the medical field as the genetic condition trisomy 21, which gives us cause to also mark the occasion of March 21.)

As most of us are aware from our biology classes, chromosomes are threadlike structures composed of DNA and other proteins. Present in every cell of the body, they carry the genetic information needed for that cell to develop. Human cells normally have 46 chromosomes that are arranged in 23 pairs.

The cause of Down syndrome, in 95% of all cases, is that a cell has two 21st chromosomes instead of one, so the resulting embryo has three of the 21st chromosomes. Hence the scientific name trisomy 21. These children, as first discovered by Dr. Down in the mid-1880s, have a few common physiological features as well as cognitive delays. Just as every living creature in Hashem’s world is unique, children born with an additional 21st chromosome are special too. Each soul is created by Hashem and each has his or her own specific contributions to this world.

Our son Yosef Binyamin was born on August 23, 2000—the very last day of our summer day camp season. When we saw that we had a baby boy, we were overjoyed. Finally, a brother for our eldest son (there are three sisters between them); a b’ris and a shalom zachor to plan; friends and relatives to call. So many thoughts went through our minds—all of us filled with happiness and joy for our newest miracle!

Then the shoe dropped. The obstetrician informed us that she feared that our perfect child with a perfect Apgar score was something less than perfect. As she pointed out the telltale signs—slanted eyes (but our eldest son’s eyes were slightly slanted when he was born), a slight bend to one ear (I had a similar ear upon my birth), and extra skin on the back of his neck—our hearts sank. The world had closed around us. I didn’t know what to say. This couldn’t be true.

Upon hearing the news, my husband, my eizer k’negdo, immediately said, “This is the child Hashem has given us, and we will learn how to take care of him.” He said this so simply and calmly that I was slightly reassured. But how to explain the situation to our children? How to tell our friends and family? What next?

I went through periods of denial and then periods of depression. At first, when the hospital nurse came around asking, I turned down the typical baby pictures—what was the point?

And then the kids came to visit and they were overjoyed. They didn’t see anything less than perfection in our newborn’s face. They didn’t see the extra chromosome; they saw their wonderful, adorable new baby brother! What more could you ask for?

After the visit from our children, I suddenly experienced a wave of love for my beautiful baby boy. That night I practically ran to the nursery crying that I couldn’t go home without having the typical newborn pictures taken. This was the baby we had waited nine months to meet, and I was not going to let this label of Down syndrome ruin our happiness. So I didn’t tell people at first. I didn’t want sympathy for our beautiful miracle—only mazal tov wishes should be heard at his shalom zachor, only words of accolades at his b’ris. There might be time for sympathy, but now was the time to rejoice.

To tell you the truth, from that moment on I didn’t have time for too much self-pity. Of course no one is a superstar and I’d be lying if I told you that I don’t still have melancholy moments, but when you have a child with both cognitive and physical issues you don’t have too much time to feel sorry for yourself. In addition to the typical fears of having a child with cognitive delays, we had to worry about his actual health. The pediatricians heard a heart murmur and immediately referred our darling baby to a pediatric cardiologist, who explained after running the necessary tests that our baby had a VSD—a small hole in the heart which would most likely necessitate open-heart surgery (which took place in February of 2001).

In those first years, our house was in constant chaos; therapists almost around the clock didn’t give us much time to dwell on the negative. As a family, we all worked on stimulating our little Yosef Binyamin on a daily basis.

As a community, our Five Towns family has been an incredible support to our little one. In our shul, Chabad of the Five Towns, with the guidance of Rabbi and Rebbetzin Wolowik, our youngest son has developed a love for Torah. Yussie was welcomed into the youth program from a very young age by our wonderful youth directors Rabbi and Rebbetzin Geisinsky. When Yosef Binyamin celebrated his bar mitzvah in shul, there was hardly a dry eye—everyone was so proud of him!

Having a sibling with a disability has made all my children very caring and understanding people. I never had to worry that Yussie has embarrassed them—to the contrary, he has made them so proud!

We were all delighted when Yussie reached all his milestones. Our hearts soared when he took his first steps, and we were elated when he spoke his first words. We were excited when all of our children reached their milestones, but there was something different with our Yosef. We knew just how much extra effort it took for him to get there. He fought hard battles: when he was an infant and we would hold our collective breath, praying that he would gain another ounce to delay the open-heart surgery till he was a bit bigger; the moment when he stood in front of our entire shul and said the berachah over the Torah for his bar mitzvah aliyah in a clear and strong voice; the present day as a young man in high school. He keeps progressing, albeit at his own pace, and he makes us all very proud.

October is Down Syndrome Awareness Month, a chance to spread awareness. We celebrate people with Down syndrome, raising awareness of their abilities and accomplishments. It’s not about celebrating disabilities; it’s about celebrating abilities. May we always acknowledge the contributions of all individuals with Down syndrome and of all those who may be a tad less “typical.”

There is never a day that goes by that I don’t get the urge to smile after one of Yussie’s wonderful hugs. He surprises us quite often with his keen insights into life. He might never be book-smart, but he has respect and concern for every human being and doesn’t have a bad bone in his body. I remember that when he was born, a kind person told me that he had a pure neshamah—and it is true. Although he can be mischievous at times (many times!), he is pure of heart. I once noticed a slogan that is apropos for this month: Up with Down syndrome!

Phyllis Joy Lubin is an attorney with Maidenbaum & Sternberg, LLP, who resides in Cedarhurst with her husband, Leonard. They have six children—Naftali, Shoshana, Rivka, Rochel, Yosef, and Lea—and a daughter-in-law, Nina. The author welcomes your questions and comments at MothersMusings@gmail.com.

Resolving Disputes

Most of us already know about the Halacha Hotline of the Five Towns and Far Rockaway, and how wonderful it is that people can call in with their halachic questions to receive answers from understanding and reliable poskim. In this Q-and-A, Yisroel Meir Shonek, the Halacha Hotline administrator, answers questions
about the lesser-known Dispute Resolution Center (DRC) that the Halacha Hotline operates.

Q. When and why was the DRC established?

1. The Dispute Resolution Center was launched to provide the community with much-needed halachic arbitration and mediation services for monetary disputes. It has been operating for over three years, to the satisfaction of local neighborhood rabbanim. The DRC, like the rest of the Halacha Hotline, is under the auspices of Rav Binyomin Forst, shlita.

Q. What types of cases do you normally deal with?

1. The most common cases are contractor–homeowner disputes, commercial business disputes, employee–employer disputes, landlord–tenant disputes, partnership disputes, inheritance/yerushah disputes, tuition disputes, and brokerage/commission disputes. However, we’ve seen many other types of cases as well, such as neighbor encroachment cases. We do not mediate marital, divorce, or child-custody disputes.

Q. You call it the Dispute Resolution Center—are your cases run the same way as in an official beis din?

1. The DRC is not a standard beis din with all its necessary halachic requirements; rather, it is a cost-effective and time-effective method—using arbitration according to halachic guidelines—to settle cases with one dayan and without the involvement of to’anim (lawyers/pleaders).

Q. So do the verdicts of the DRC have any teeth?

1. Absolutely. All disputants must agree in advance to administer their case using one of the following procedures: (1) as non-binding arbitration, wherein the DRC works to attempt to get both parties to agree willingly to a compromise; (2) as halachically binding arbitration, wherein both parties agree to accept the DRC’s decision by making a kinyan (halachically binding agreement); or (3) as binding arbitration with accompanying legal documents—using a sh’tar berurin (halachic arbitration agreement) and a secular arbitration agreement so that a judgment can be submitted to the secular courts for enforcement if necessary.

Q. Why doesn’t the DRC operate as a standard beis din?

1. The community has embraced the DRC model for two reasons. One, as mentioned earlier, it is a more cost-effective and time-effective manner to settle a dispute. In most cases, the DRC process comes to a conclusion in a day or two; even the most complicated and lengthy cases are usually decided in less than a week. Second, the cost to the disputants is a fraction of the cost in a typical beis din setting. Third, and perhaps most important, the DRC setting is much less adversarial and vindictive than that in a typical beis din, and it is much more conducive to having the involved parties walk away as friends.

Q. Do you send hazmanos (subpoenas) to require disputants to show up?

1. No, we provide our services only if all the disputants come to us willingly to help them decide their case. Baruch Hashem, the Five Towns–Far Rockaway community is filled with wonderful residents who endeavor to live their lives according to halacha. For the most part, they are not looking to steal or be unfair, but sometimes they have a difference of opinion in a business matter and cannot work it out on their own. In such situations, they come to the DRC—to determine who is correct according to halacha and why. Most parties who lose their cases do not get upset; rather, once they understand why they are wrong according to halacha they are happy to set things right with the other party. It is beautiful to see this in practice; that we see this type of behavior on a regular basis truly attests to the beautiful community in which we live.

Q.What happens when one side does not want to deal with any claims and is not interested in coming willingly?

1. As I said earlier, in most cases both sides want to come willingly since, on the one hand, they do not want to take money that is not theirs rightfully but, on the other hand, they also do not want to give away money to which they are entitled halachically. Indeed, in a small number of cases, one side needs a little more prodding. In such cases, the side that wants to come to us will speak to the rav of the unwilling side about the issue and the need to settle the disagreement halachically; most times, after this happens, both sides will then come to us willingly.

Q. What size disputes do you usually see?

1. There’s quite a large range—one day we can have a $50,000 homeowner–contractor dispute, the next day a $9 million partnership breakup dispute, and the next day a $5,000 tuition dispute. It varies greatly.

Q. What advice can you give to someone who is having a monetary dispute?

1. The best thing is to try to work it out amicably with the other side, which is what is usually done. The DRC should only be utilized only when the two sides cannot come to an agreement. Once it is clear that the two sides need help from a third party, it is best to contact the DRC right away, before the situation deteriorates, making it more difficult to come to an equitable agreement that can keep the peace.

Q. You said you try to bring shalom to both sides—isn’t a din Torah a win-or-lose situation?

1. Yes and no. Sometimes, we can find common ground on many of the issues and can work out a solution that satisfies both parties; we are very happy when we can accomplish that. More common, however, is that when we inform one disputant that he is right halachically, he feels exonerated and will then voluntarily—l’ma’an ha’shalom (for the sake of peace) offer the other disputant a compromise that he will accept willingly and appreciate. As I said earlier, the community is made up of so many special people who truly understand that it is not just about being right or wrong; it’s also about keeping the shalom where possible, even when it is clear-cut right-and-wrong.

Q. Why do disputants choose to use the DRC rather than going to a local rav?

1. There are several reasons for this. First is that the DRC is a neutral party; the assigned dayan does not have any familiarity with either party. Second, it is sometimes uncomfortable for both the local rav and his congregant to co-exist in shul and work together on various constructive projects when the congregant lost his case with the rav. In fact, many rabbanim send cases that come their way to the DRC. Doing that puts the whole matter in an outside arena and the rabbi–congregant relationship thereby does not suffer.

Third, the DRC brings to the table not only an expertise in practical Choshen Mishpat (a specialized area in halacha, which takes years of intense study and much “shimush” to master), but also an in-depth familiarity of business practices, across the entire spectrum of industries. For example, disputants do not have to spend time explaining what a non-recourse carve-out on a commercial mortgage document means and what relevance that may have to a real-estate partner buyout, or how a zoning lot description and easement declaration show clearly what rights a neighbor has to extend his deck.

Q. This is all quite fascinating. Why don’t more people know about this resource right in our neighborhood?

1. People who are involved in a dispute do not wish to publicize the matter, and whether they were right or wrong in such a dispute is not for public knowledge. Accordingly, the DRC is very discreet.
2. How can people contact the Dispute Resolution Center if they have any questions or want to schedule an appointment?
3. The fastest way is to e‑mail us at mediation@halachahotline.org. Alternatively, one can call us at 516-239-2500, follow the prompts for the Dispute Resolution Center, and leave a message.

Nassau County Legislator
Howard Kopel

Tova Plaut

By Larry Gordon

It’s always challenging and even uncomfortable when two people from the Orthodox Jewish community decide to face off against one another in an election. And that discomfort is not just something that is experienced by editorialists who are charged with expounding on these elections. The competitiveness and even the clash inherent in this type of race leaves many feeling less than enthused about the campaigns and the choice that ultimately needs to be made—that is, if one chooses to vote.

And so it is that out here on this sliver of Long Island, there is an election next week between two frum people for representation on the Nassau County Legislature; they’re in a race for a seat on that governing body to be the elected official from a community that has a significant Orthodox constituency.

The incumbent is Howard (Chaim) Kopel, a Republican who has served in this position for the last six years. His challenger is Lawrence School District board member Tova Plaut, a Democrat. As it usually is with off-card or off-year elections, it takes the incorporation of some sensationalism into the campaign to arouse a voter base that is groggy, if not completely asleep.

Sometimes there is some truth to the blown-out-of-proportion issues; other times there is just a scintilla of a whisper that candidates force into the headlines. Both candidates want to win. Unseating an incumbent is frequently difficult to do. There is an advantage to incumbency that apparently appeals to voters. The impression created by being in office seems to be something along the lines of “he or she is there already and the world is still spinning, so things can’t be that bad.”

So with this Nassau County election coming up, some of those running are looking to take advantage of what might be considered a tough year in the New York political environment. So I was surprised and taken aback when I received a campaign piece in the mail last weekend from the Plaut campaign intimating that somehow Mr. Kopel is involved in political corruption and that he is an advocate for bringing casino gambling to the Five Towns. The Plaut piece makes reference to “Howard Kopel and the indicted Senator Dean Skelos,” and goes on to say that companies cannot do business in Nassau Country unless they “give gifts or campaign contributions to county politicians.”

First of all, it is misleading, if not just plain wrong to lump Mr. Kopel into the difficult circumstances that Mr. Skelos is experiencing just because both happen to be Republican. Have you seen or heard anything emanating from the Republicans that identifies Ms. Plaut with the indicted former Assembly Speaker Sheldon Silver? Skelos and Silver, both veteran political leaders and great friends of the New York Jewish communities, are facing some legally challenging days ahead. But what does any of that have to do with the local Nassau County Legislature race between Howard Kopel and Tova Plaut?

The answer is: absolutely nothing. It is political-campaign hyperbole looking to create sensationalist issues where none exist. Joe Cairo, a Republican Party leader in Nassau County and president of the Nassau County Off Track Betting told the 5TJT that it is untrue that any property near the Five Towns is being considered as a location of a slot machine or other type of betting facility similar to the one that is located on the Aqueduct Raceway property in Queens.

Locations where gambling takes place, whether a raceway or a location that allows slots since the laws on betting have been loosened, are identified with attracting types profiled as potentially posing risks to a community. Mr. Cairo told me on Monday that a property in Inwood was mentioned a few months ago but upon further examination was deemed not suitable for that type of entity.

Betting, whether it is at the Aqueduct or Monticello Raceway upstate, is a way of creating jobs in communities and generating income for the state. The objective is not to attract an increase in crime, but unfortunately, in some instances that turns out to be one of the results. In any event, it was made clear that no property in or near the Five Towns is being considered for the establishment of a betting emporium.

But that did not satisfy the Democratic campaign machine in Nassau County. Granted, it is a good issue that grabs the attention of voters, but it is shocking that Ms. Plaut and her handlers in the Democratic Party would paint a picture and project the image that Mr. Kopel is in favor of bringing betting to the area. It is just not true, and the assertion should be withdrawn—but you can rest assured that this will not be done. It looks like the political handlers believe this strategy is a winner.

Too often, political campaigning is not about real issues but rather about clouding the issues or creating a fog of ideas so that there is just enough uncertainty to confuse voters. I would like to think that residents of the Five Towns are savvy and educated enough to know when they are being misled.

Mr. Kopel has done an outstanding job as a member of the legislature. He is a businessman and an attorney and you would be hard-pressed to find someone in politics who is more sincere and dedicated to the job at hand. And because he is an Orthodox Jew from our community—someone we might see in shul, who has been through the yeshiva system and whose children have all attended our local yeshivos—it is additionally troublesome that he would have these indirect aspersions cast in his direction by Ms. Plaut.

Mr. Kopel does not toy around with a formula that the Democrats like to call “pay to play.” The idea that a person of his stature and reputation is characterized by the Plaut campaign literature as dishonest is unfortunate and borders on the shameful.

Tova Plaut is an intelligent and impressive activist in our community. She is a voice of reason on the Lawrence District School Board and her presence on the board illustrates her personal dedication to always looking to improve the educational process for the community. She would be an asset to the Nassau County Legislature, but we already have a representative there who is doing an outstanding job.

Having two members of the Orthodox community competing for the same position is uncomfortable for everyone involved. It is also unnecessary. To that end, a group of community leaders in the Five Towns is forming an entity that will in the future seek to dissuade this type of competition or, if it does occur, to publicly endorse one of the candidates. Observing members of our own shuls and community yeshivos doing battle—sometimes in an unsavory way—is not good for them, or our schools, shuls, or community. If we are ever going to endeavor to really be a unified community, that would be the best place to start.

With that said, we are urging you to go out and vote on Tuesday, November 3 for Howard Kopel for Nassau County Legislator. We are also urging our readers to elect Kate Murray as Nassau County District Attorney, Tony Santino as Town of Hempstead Supervisor, Nasrin Ahmad as Town Clerk, Donald X. Clavin, Receiver of Taxes, and Bruce Blakeman as a Town of Hempstead Councilman.

These are all people who have proven themselves willing to go above and beyond when called upon. The least we can do is take a few moments of our time, show them that we appreciate what they do, and cast our votes for them.

Comments for Larry Gordon are welcome at editor@5tjt.com.

Nesanel Feller

By Nesanel Feller

It is 1:48 a.m. on motzaei Shabbos. I cannot sleep. Too many feelings, wonderful and exhilarating, are swirling in my mind.

Less than four days ago, I strode into an operating room at New York Presbyterian Hospital. A kind nurse assisted me onto the operating table and put a mask on my face. A few hours later, I awoke and was informed that my left kidney was already functioning in the body of a woman in an adjoining room.

Less than four days ago, a man, a husband, a father, a grandfather, a Jew, gave the gift of life to a woman, a wife, a mother, a grandmother, a fellow Jew. G‑d willing, Tzivya bas Rachelya will no longer suffer from a debilitating and life-threatening kidney disease. G‑d willing, Tzivya will enjoy a full and healthy life as a wife, a mother, a grandmother and a Jew. G‑d willing, Tzivya’s family will experience a lifetime of enjoying their wife, mother, and grandmother. G‑d willing, both Tzivya and I will attend the b’ris of her grandson in a few days.

Less than four days ago, hundreds, perhaps thousands, of people davened throughout the world for the welfare of Nesanel Dovid ben Nechama and Tzivya bas Rachelya. Their heartfelt tefillos were answered. We are both, baruch Hashem, doing well, and when I left the hospital Friday afternoon and said goodbye to Tzivya and my left kidney, I was advised that she may actually be returning home as soon as today.

Permit me to briefly outline the story of my kidney donation. In May, I received an e‑mail containing the heartfelt plea of a mother who was desperately seeking a kidney donation to save the life of her son. With the full commitment and encouragement of my special wife, Deena, I replied to the e‑mail and was put in contact with Renewal, an incredible organization that facilitates matches between willing kidney donors and compatible recipients, assisting and guiding the entire donation process from beginning to end. After completing a detailed questionnaire, I underwent an initial round of tests to establish basic compatibility criteria.

Over the next few months, I visited the hospital for a battery of tests, examinations, and interviews. I had a CT scan, chest X-ray, EKG, and echocardiogram. I was examined by multiple nephrologists and surgeons. I was interviewed by a panel of psychologists, social workers, and nurses. I had multiple blood tests and urine tests. The entire process is intended to ascertain that the donor is physically and emotionally able to undertake and withstand the kidney-donation process and surgery. The process is donor-driven and the health and welfare of the donor is of paramount importance. After months of rigorous testing, I was advised that I was, baruch Hashem, a fit candidate for kidney donation.

Although I was not ultimately matched to the individual referenced in the initial e‑mail, I was advised that I was potentially a good match for Tzivya bas Rachelya. I realized that I might actually have the privilege of saving her life! During the screening period, this exciting prospect served as a strong impetus to embark on a training regimen to ensure that I was in the best physical shape possible. I watched my diet. I lost some weight. I went to the gym regularly. I wanted to be as fit and healthy as possible to undergo this lifesaving surgery.

Throughout the months-long screening process, Tzivya did not know that a potential kidney donor had been identified and was being tested. It was not until the week before the surgery was scheduled, after I passed my final preoperative testing, that Tzivya was advised that a kidney donor had been located. Tzivya’s medical team at the hospital and Renewal simply did not wish to risk raising her expectations, only for her to possibly suffer the utter despair and disappointment of having the lifesaving kidney donation not actually happen.

Once the surgery was scheduled, I asked Renewal whether I could communicate with Tzivya, assuming, of course, that she wanted to speak with me. Six days before surgery, after Tzivya received final clearance from her medical team, I received a telephone call from her. I cannot begin to describe the emotions and expressions of gratitude expressed in that telephone call. I had my own mini “Shabbos Project” as I sent Tzivya a text right before last Shabbos telling her, “My left kidney looks forward to spending next Shabbos with you!”

The surgery was set for Wednesday, October 21. Deena and I were instructed to arrive at the hospital at 5:30 a.m. Renewal arranged for transportation to the hospital. When I davened that morning in the waiting room, as suggested, I had particular kavanah when I recited the Parashas Akeidah, as a segulah. Just as Yitzchak Avinu voluntarily and wholeheartedly permitted himself to be bound to the altar as the ultimate sacrifice, on a microcosmic level, I would be similarly bound to the operating table to make a sacrifice on behalf of another.

Rabbi Chaim Steinmetz, the director of Renewal, arrived soon thereafter. And then Tzivya arrived with her husband and two of her children. Once again, the feelings experienced by those present are indescribable. My name was called. Deena and I, together with Rabbi Steimmetz, proceeded to the preoperative room. I was readied for surgery. My name was called again. I strode into the operating room. A nurse warmly greeted me. “You are a hero. You are undertaking this surgery to save the life of a stranger.”

As they readied the anesthesia, I recalled my meeting last week with clients in White Plains in which I explained that I might not be able to immediately prepare their documents due to my upcoming surgery. They expressed admiration that I would make this sacrifice for a “stranger.” They delicately asked whether the recipient was Jewish, whether she was observant. I answered that the recipient was Jewish and that I did not know or care whether she was observant. She was not a stranger to me; she was a fellow Jew. She was my sister.

Back in the operating room, the anesthesiologists, surgeons, and operating team successfully did their job and, G‑d willing, the life of Tzivya bas Rachelya was saved.

This all happened less than four days ago. Pain has never felt so good. OK, I exaggerate. I concede that the IVs, catheter, and lack of restful sleep in the hospital was less than pleasant, but I do not feel any pain. When I move, I sense a gentle pressure in my midriff. When I cough or laugh, it hurts. This will dissipate over the next few days and weeks, at which time I should be able to resume full activity, with no dietary or physical restrictions and after-effects.

I look down at the three-inch suture beneath my navel from which the gift of life was laparoscopically extracted and delivered to Tzivya. Some will say that I will have a small lifetime scar. I disagree. I will proudly have an enormous lifetime beauty mark. I will have a lifetime reminder of an indescribable feeling of ahavas Yisrael and areivus.

I will be reminded of the endless love, support, and encouragement of Deena, my children, and our parents. I will be reminded of the generous and unsolicited broad range of assistance, tefillah, and support of my family members, friends, clients, and members of my extended White Shul family. I will be reminded of the invaluable assistance afforded by Renewal, particularly by Mr. Feder, a kidney donor who now volunteers significant amount of time and expertise in assisting other donors. I will be reminded of the numerous one-on-one visits by Tzivya’s loving husband and each of her doting children, as they expressed their appreciation for saving the life of their dear wife and mother.

I will be reminded of the beautiful berachos given by the Satmar Bikur Cholim ladies. I will be reminded of my squeamish nephew in Israel who, inspired by the kidney donation of his Uncle Nesanel, went with three of his friends to sign up for blood-platelet donations for cholim in Israel. I will be reminded of Rabbi Feiner (rav of the White Shul) escorting me out of the hospital, after we both wished Tzivya a good Shabbos, with warm words of chizuk and encouragement. I will be reminded of the unfathomable brilliance with which Hashem created the human body.

Do I have any regrets? I now fully understand what the other “altruistic donors” expressed: I regret that I cannot do this again. But what I can do is encourage others to consider undertaking this incomparable act of tzedakah and chesed shel emes. Not everyone can or should be a kidney donor. Not everyone is blessed with the health or temperament to do so. Not everyone will have the necessary support of close family members and friends. Not everyone is in a financial situation or has the employment flexibility to devote the requisite time.

However, if this selfless act of chesed touches your heart and appeals to you, there are available resources such as Renewal, and there are, unfortunately, many potential recipients in desperate need of a new kidney whose lives can be saved by your kidney donation—or by your encouragement of others to do so. You will not regret it. Mi k’amcha Yisrael!

Israeli police after the shooting of a female
terrorist at a checkpoint in Hebron

Me’arat HaMachpelah, pictured in 2010

By Larry Gordon

Hebron is one of those Jewish cities in Israel that make you feel like you are stepping back at least several centuries whenever you arrive there. It is also a hotbed of anti-Israel violence, with more than half of the recent terrorist attacks perpetrated by residents of the Arab part of the city.

Why the Arab residents of Hebron—especially those with a history of involvement in terror—are allowed to move about freely is part of the Israeli commitment to freedom of movement at all costs. The same is true of the Arab residents of East Jerusalem. The cost in Jewish lives has been high.

The upcoming Shabbos—a bit more than a week away—when we read from the Torah about how our forefather Avraham purchased the Cave of the Patriarchs in Hebron, is usually a weeklong celebration marking this historic real-estate transaction.

It is celebrated because the Bible records in fascinating, clear detail the fashion in which Abraham—a figure accepted by Jews, Muslims, and Christians—entered into an agreement with the local strongman and landowner, Ephron the Hitite, to purchase the property outright.

We spent a Shabbos in Hebron on ParashasChayeiSarah about four years ago. It was memorable and exhilarating. The explicit mention of Hebron in the Torah will be marked this year in the same way. Thousands will probably converge on the city to spend Shabbos there. But this time around, there has been a pall cast over the planning of what is usually a wonderful weekend for KlalYisrael.

The pall comes in the form of the terror threat posed by a population that is integrated within Israel’s midst. Dan Rosenstein, executive director of the Hebron Fund, said in a phone call the other day that in all likelihood Hebron will be the safest place in Israel on the weekend of November 6–8. Dan could not say what the IDF was specifically planning in terms of security for ParashasChayeiSarah in Hebron, but he did say that it is more than just a few hundred soldiers. He said he is also expecting a number of Knesset members and other government officials to join him in Hebron for that Shabbos.

Still, Dan says that he understands if people who usually come to Israel for ChayeiSarah will stay away this year. “I’ll be there and there are many people coming from the States,” he says, but not in the numbers that he would have expected under normal circumstances.

And unfortunately, for a variety of reasons, Hebron has been ground zero for many of the recent knife attacks. On Monday of this week, a Palestinian from the Arab side of Hebron attempted to stab a solder right outside the Gutnick Center just down the steps and a few feet away from the entrance to the Cave of the Patriarchs. The assailant was shot dead by IDF soldiers on the scene. On the same day, a woman crossing through a checkpoint was having her bags searched—as is common—when she pulled a knife and stabbed a soldier nearby. She, too, was eliminated before she could attack anyone else.

Parts of Hebron in which we’ve routinely walked around for decades are now, unfortunately, under attack. Molotov cocktails are being hurled in the direction of residents in the Avraham Avinu area of the city. Dan Rosenstein says over the last few days there have been shots fired from the Hebron Hills into Beit Hadassah and Beit Schneerson, which he says is like Central Avenue in the Five Towns or Main Street in Queens.

At this time, it would be ideal to make it our business to travel to Israel and be in Hebron for the Shabbos of ChayeiSarah. More than any other time, this is a time to stand with the less than 1,000 people who reside in Hebron year-round, who commute to work from the city and where their children attend yeshiva. Frankly, we may not be made of the same material as those warrior-citizens, but whether or not we are there with them, we certainly can help them and make our presence felt from anywhere in the world.

Eliezer Cohen of Cedarhurst has not missed a ChayeiSarah weekend in Hebron in 15 years, and he says he is going this year as scheduled. “We’ve been there in the past during rough times, and this is not the time to show weakness,” he said. “This is our land and we have to act accordingly.” Eliezer’s mother, Judy Cohen of Belle Harbor, has been traveling to Hebron for the last 30 years; she and her son are leaving New York next Tuesday to spend the upcoming Hebron Shabbos in that special and holy city.

“Actually it’s not so bad this time,” Eliezer says. “We’ve been there when our hosts had sandbags in the windows because there was shooting from the hills into the Jewish homes.” I didn’t want to tell Eliezer that Dan said there was shooting into both Beit Hadassah and Beit Schneerson, where the Cohens are staying, because I figured he’s going to read it here anyway and I don’t want to ruin the party.

“I’m not going to be as brave as I usually am by walking through the Kasbah—the Arab market—on Shabbos afternoon,” Eliezer said. “It’s a little disconcerting when a person standing near you wearing a jacket with a ‘Press’ insignia suddenly lunges at you and tries to attack.” He says that they plan to be cautious but that there was never a thought about canceling. “We travel to Hebron from the States to give them strength and encouragement, but at the end of the day it is they who give us chizuk,” says Cohen.

“Right now this is Israel’s front line,” says Dan Rosenstein about life in Hebron. The Hebron Fund director, who resides in Bet Shemesh, usually makes the daily uneventful drive to Hebron in under half an hour. I ask him about that trip and he says that he has rock-proof windows on his van so he is not very concerned.

Back during the intifada, I was in Israel on one of those ambitious one-week missions to stand with Israel in the face of all kinds of horrible bombings and attacks. It was early July 2002 and Israel was cracking down on terror throughout Judea and Samaria. In those days, there were constant shooting attacks emanating from the Abu Sneineh hills into Jewish homes in Hebron. At that time, and for years after that, we would visit homes in Hebron where the residents would show us bullet holes in their bookcases and in the walls of their children’s bedrooms.

This is a vile and unusual enemy that Israel is engaged with. On the particular day we were in Hebron that week in 2002, there was a round-the-clock curfew for Arab residents. It was a hot, sunny day. The Jewish residents were at work and the kids were still in school or day camp. We walked freely on the streets, which were mostly deserted. The day before, Israel had demolished a number of homes and a large Palestinian police station/terror base in those hills. They stored their guns and ammunition in that police station. It was fairly quiet after that for a while, except for an occasional flare-up here and there.

The murderers of the three boys, Eyal, Naftali, and Gilad, came from Hebron. On the Arab side of all the fences set up, there is a depravity that defies comprehension. On the Jewish side, there is a holiness and specialness that captures the essence of Jewish history and Jewish life from time immemorial.

The Torah portion is called ChayeiSarah—the life of Sarah—but the first pasuk in the sidra records the fact of her death. That would make calling it the “life of” a bit inaccurate if the very first message conveys her death.

The Lubavitcher Rebbe explains this oddity with two points. First he says—as Rashi does—that Sarah died when she heard the news that Avraham was going to sacrifice her son at the akeidah. Avraham was able to survive that mission because he was able to see Jewish life beyond the scope of this world. Sarah, on the other hand, understood that a Jew’s primary objective is to serve Hashem in this material world. The news of the possibility of Yitzchak’s early demise forced her death.

Still, the parashah is called “the Life of Sarah” because we discover two vital events that are the basis for Jewish life, even today, all these thousands of years later. In this portion we read about the birth of the first Jew—Yitzchak. Avraham and Sarah were not born Jews but came to recognize the trueness of G‑d later in life.

Additionally, we are introduced to the concept of the connection of the land of Israel to the Jewish people through Avraham’s purchase of the Cave of the Patriarchs in Hebron. This was the first practical and material expression in the world of the Jewish right to the Land of Israel.

And now, all these years later, the effort continues to deny that reality that began in Hebron and continues in Hebron next week on ChayeiSarah. It’s unique and exceptional to be there and live the ancient experience in these modern times, despite all the obstacles and difficulties.

That is the life of the people of Hebron, our heroes who need and deserve our support, particularly at this period in time. It’s true—but this was not just the life of Sarah. It was also apparently her dream.

Comments for Larry Gordon are welcome at editor@5tjt.com.

Question

I’m in a funny situation. There is a girl I dated a long time ago, but I broke up with her. Years later, she is still single. Meanwhile, I met another girl whom everyone thinks I should marry. I have been discussing that with her a little bit. She is great all around, but I can’t seem to get the girl from a few years ago out of my mind.

My friends think I should move on and forget about the previous girl. But I have another idea that I want to run by you. I was thinking of asking that girl out, which is not a big deal, because I am not engaged yet or anything. And if I still have feelings for her, I will date her and see where things go.

If it doesn’t go anywhere, then, as I said, no big deal. At least I will have closure and it also will give me a chance to ask her for mechilah in case she was hurt when I broke up with her. What do you think?

But if things work out with her, how do I break up with the girl I’m currently dating, who thinks we’re getting engaged?

Response

By Baila Sebrow

For starters, I think you are being mighty presumptuous. You seem so sure that the girl you broke up with is going to jump for joy when you contact her. Did it ever occur to you that she may not even want to hear from you? If you were the one to break up with her, I assume that she was pained by your decision, and it was she who never had any closure. Forgive me for saying so, but it seems you are so absorbed with your own need for self-gratification that you show little or no concern for any of the two girls—former and present.

I am going to take issue with your desire for mechilah. That aspiration of yours, in this circumstance, does not impress me. There are people who hurt others knowingly and willingly, but when they feel good and ready, they think that they can go throw around the mechilah request and all will be fine and dandy. You know who it ends up being fine and dandy for? The person who did wrong. That is where it starts, and that is where it ends. The person who was hurt in a relationship or by the way it ended, and is still hurting, does not suddenly feel fine because she forgave you.

That said, it sounds to me that it did not occur to you to ask that girl for mechilah when you first broke up with her. Had you been sincere in that wish, you wouldn’t have waited all this time to do so. But here you are also demonstrating that you are concerned about your own feelings. In your mind, you rationalize dating her again—and breaking her heart for the second time if you determine that you feel nothing for her. Then you will clear your conscience by asking for and receiving forgiveness.

I can see that it does not cross your mind that it would be most fair to break up with the current girl you are dating and contemplating to marry, being that you still have that first girl on your mind. Or at the very least, level with her so she can have the opportunity to make her own choices and come to a decision. Instead, you callously want to make sure that you do not remain without a girl, however the situation plays itself out. Do you think I am wrong or being harsh? Let’s discuss the scenario you have in mind, so you can see a clear picture.

I’m not sure what you consider a long time—months or years. Whatever the time span may be, you are aware that the girl you previously dated whom you can’t seem to get out of your mind is still single and available. And that is troubling to you, because at the same time you are dating a girl whom everyone thinks you should marry. And from a logical perspective, you believe that as well. Not only that, but she thinks that she will eventually get engaged to you! So, instead of leaving the past in peace, you need the reassurance—the closure, as you say—to make sure that you do not have any remaining feelings for girl number one anymore.

If that girl agrees to go out with you, and you discover that you still want to date her and she is on board with your idea, what are your plans at that point? Drop the girl you are now dating and have considered marrying, because it longer works or she does not fit into your plans anymore? And if those plans work according to your reckoning, you still want to know how you should break up with her. This is unbelievable!

There is no precise formula to break up with anyone. You, I am sure, will be fine after the fact. But regardless of what you say or do, this girl will be heartbroken. She will end up picking up the pieces of whatever is left of her emotions in the aftermath of that day. However, since you have preset your mind to walking that path, I will offer some ideas that will in the very least be most humane to someone in such a vulnerable state.

Please do not break up with this girl by phone, text, e-mail, or Facebook messaging. Arrange to meet her in person, preferably where she lives, assuming she does not live alone. You are likely going to hurt her badly, and she will need people around her immediately who can offer comfort.

My advice is to be completely upfront and honest with her. Yes, she will not hold you in the highest regard—and she shouldn’t. For the benefit of her emotional health, it is best that if it comes to it, that she see you for who you truly are. So tell her exactly what happened. Explain how you dated a girl prior to having met her, and things did not end the way you had anticipated. But, as you explained to me, you needed some closure and after having met with that girl again—yes, you will admit to two-timing her—you determined that you still have feelings for girl number one. But please be kind and do not allow this girl to believe that you never had any feelings for her at all.

Compliment her to the hilt. I don’t care if you are overdoing it. This girl needs to walk away with some semblance of self-esteem. Reassure her that your decision had nothing to do with anything she may have said or done. Oftentimes, after a breakup, the injured party tends to rehash dates and conversations, and may lay self-blame on something frivolous.

I will warn you that there is a strong likelihood that she may react with anger and extreme disbelief, which is natural. Refrain from responding negatively. That is the least you can do for her. Try to remind yourself at that time that she deserves to express her anguish.

Based on how you describe your dating habits and cavalier attitude, I believe that you may somehow end up losing both girls. When you finally find yourself in such a position, my best advice is to look within yourself, to figure out your own identity and where you might be going wrong in your demeanor while in relationships. I will also recommend that you retain a mentor in the form of a wise and Torah-educated person to learn how to become sensitive to the feelings and needs of others.

Baila Sebrow is president of Neshoma Advocates, communications and recruitment liaison for Sovri-Beth Israel, executive director of Teach Our Children, and a shadchanis. She can be reached at Bsebrow@aol.com.

Questions and comments can be submitted to 5townsforum@gmail.com.

Serenity Now: Healing The Natural Way

By Deborah Rothman, L.Ac., Dipl. Ac.

My patients who suffer from insomnia either come in because they feel awful, or because their spouse is tired of being woken up from their constant tossing and turning! Difficulty achieving a full night of sleep plagues many people worldwide, at various ages and stages. While there are different symptoms of various types of insomnia, one thing they all have in common is overwhelming frustration and complete and utter exhaustion. Many people describe themselves as walking around like zombies, unable to focus or continue with a single train of thought because they are simply so fatigued.

Some individuals have difficulty falling asleep. Others fall asleep as soon as their head hits the pillow, but then wake up and often experience difficulty falling back asleep. Still others fall asleep without difficulty and stay asleep, yet they still feel exhausted in the morning, as though the quality and depth of their sleep was not sufficient for them to rejuvenate. Waking often to urinate is yet another issue but stems from a different root cause entirely. A good night’s sleep is essential for one to rejuvenate in both body and spirit. Our organs and meridians and the Qi that flows within must retreat and rest at night, in order to be able to work and operate optimally by day.

There are numerous pharmaceutical remedies easily available today on the market. Ambien being the most well-known, as well as Lunesta, and there’s melatonin which is available without a prescription. Ambien was brought to market in the U.S. in 1993. It has remained one of the top-selling drugs in the U.S. year after year. It is extremely habit-forming. Many people, once they start with Ambien, are afraid to even attempt to fall asleep without their crutch. Very often the side effects carry over into their day and they find themselves groggy throughout the morning. They can experience some lightheadedness and fogginess. They may also feel dried out in their nasal passages, eyes, or throat, or experience stomach upset and muscle pain. Some people experience sleep-walking while taking Ambien and exhibit certain behaviors that they may regret and have no recollection of upon waking. There are other dangerous side effects as well. Watching TV commercials for prescription medications gives a glimpse of this. The benefits of a medication are usually presented in about five seconds, and then the warning of possible harmful, sometimes deadly, side effects seems to go on endlessly. If it weren’t true, it might be comical.

Ambien is a benzodiazepine which works as a hypnotic. It sedates and relaxes, thus allowing people to fall asleep and stay asleep more easily. However, it is addictive. Since the drug was initially released, the FDA has already reduced the recommended dosage because of the side effects, efficacy, and addiction. It is important to understand that the medications are treating the symptoms alone, not stopping the issue from recurring.

Acupuncture evaluates insomnia differently. Diagnosis is obtained not just by the presentation of symptoms of insomnia alone, but by a combination of clues the patient provides about their overall wellbeing. For example, a person who wakes often is usually overthinking and stressed about something going on in their work or family life. These thoughts don’t allow the mind to quit, and thus keep the person awake. In this example, using acupuncture points that allow for calming and helping deal with the stress is essential to ensuring a more continuous sleep pattern. Other people find it most difficult to wind down from their nonstop hectic day, to be able to suddenly shut it all down and get into a good sleep. There are different treatments that are customized and tailored to the individual.

One superstar acupuncture point that helps treat insomnia is “An Mian.” Its literal translation is “Peaceful Sleep.” Acupuncture points were initially discovered over 4,000 years ago. An Mian is an acupuncture point that is not located on one of the 12 primary meridians that course through the body. Instead, it is known as an “extra point.” This means it is a point that was found in clinic by actual experience with patients. Not only does it work for helping achieve a better more restful, continuous sleep, but it also serves to relax the patient as well and is most useful in stress relief, and even with vertigo symptoms. The point itself is located posterior to the earlobe on the side of the neck. This point has been found to promote a deeper, more restful sleep. It works on the part of the sleep cycle known as the slow wave sleep, by activating distinct opioid receptors in the brain.

When using acupuncture, you are not only treating a symptom, but getting to the root of the problem to stop it from recurring. I have had great success in my practice treating patients who suffer from insomnia. They cannot believe the amazing response they have and how much more productive they become when fully functional after a restful night’s sleep. It isn’t by chance that the drug name Ambien is reminiscent of the acupuncture point An Mian, which was found thousands of years before. The pharmaceutical companies used the name, well aware of the miraculous effect the acupuncture point had and wanted to continue suit.

Sometimes it may seem easier and faster to pop a pill rather than begin a journey of holistic healing. The question only you can answer is: are you looking for a one-night solution? Are you willing to suffer the grogginess the next day with possible scary side effects? Perhaps instead you are ready to embark on a journey of tranquility where a restful night’s sleep will help ensure a productive, happier, more content individual day after day. Your spouse will thank you for it!

Deborah Rothman is a licensed acupuncturist and a diplomate of acupuncture with a private practice in Woodmere. Comments and questions are welcome. She can be reached at 516-203-4500 or deborah@AcuZen.com. Please visit www.AcuZen.com and follow Acu‑Zen on Facebook.

By Ezra Friedlander

As Wisconsin Congressman Paul Ryan officially assumes the position of Speaker of the House, third in line to the presidency, millions of Americans are wondering who he is and what he’s all about. How does someone reach the pinnacle of power in Congress at the relatively young age of 45?

I don’t know the answer to that question but I’d like to shed some light on my own interaction with Speaker Paul Ryan. Several years ago, Ryan earned the respect of his colleagues as a deep thinker and a voice to be reckoned with. He was a senior member of the House Ways and Means Committee and chairman of the House Budget Committee. Even though he showed considerable promise at that time, he was by no means a national figure or a household name.

Back then, I was intrigued with Ryan and endeavored to establish a relationship with him. In my line of work as a public-affairs consultant, it’s important to establish a dialogue with members of Congress of both parties. Their input can be used effectively in the course of advocating. There was no particular item on the agenda at the time. My only purpose was to introduce myself.

Several of my colleagues were with me in Washington at the time, and they were also invited to meet with Ryan. They all politely declined, not realizing then that he would become a prominent national figure in a few short years.

I’ve been following Ryan closely for quite some time, and I recognized that one of his chief objectives is to rein in government spending, and, by extension, debt. That’s something we can all appreciate.

At the time, a highly contested Republican budget proposal sought to cut SNAP (food stamps) benefits drastically. It was a huge topic because the national budget was growing exponentially. So when I spoke to him, I decided to engage him in a contrarian conversation. I told him that I’d like to share my own perspective. And while I did not wish to be disrespectful, and I am by no means an expert on budgetary issues, I felt inclined to bare my soul.

“Look,” I told him. “I understand that you propose to cut SNAP benefits (food stamps). But there are many communities in my neck of the woods, in Brooklyn, with large families. These are hardworking people who pay considerable tuition and are having a difficult time making ends meet. I explained to him about the burden faced by yeshiva parents, including their inability to even deduct their tuition expenses from their taxes (another important issue). Some of these families depend on their food stamps to put food on the table.

“I don’t want to get into the debate of whether SNAP benefits actually hinder one’s ability to pursue a livelihood and eventually upgrade one’s economic status. That’s a conversation for another time.” Without getting into the whole topic of why and how these families are on government-assistance programs, an entire subject onto itself, I simply explained that the bottom line is that there are young children involved here. And children shouldn’t have to go hungry in this great country.

I also pointed out that if he is concerned about abuse in the system, which of course reaches into billions of dollars, we need only look at the astronomical numbers we are spending on national defense to put things into perspective. There’s plenty of waste in our defense budget as well. If we would eliminate just one unnecessary aircraft carrier from the budget, it would probably equal all the waste in SNAP benefits combined.

Lest the reader take away that I’m not for a strong national defense, this point was for conversational purposes and to make a point, not for practical application.

To my utter amazement, Ryan was seriously listening to me. Here was a man who could have given me his arguments, intimidated me with his knowledge, or decimated my point of view. As I am certainly no expert on the subject, he could have seriously taken me apart.

But he didn’t. Instead, he acted like a perfect gentleman and heard me out.

This was a unique experience for me. I speak to members of Congress often, and often enough it can be intimidating. It’s as if they are not genuinely interested in recognizing a challenging opinion. Ryan was a totally different breed.

From that conversation, we went on to discuss other matters. He was particularly interested in learning about the distinct traditions of the Ashkenazic vs. the Sephardic Jews. He was intrigued by the different cultures in our community.

I would be remiss if I didn’t point out that Paul Ryan is a devout Catholic. I remember that when met on another occasion it was Ash Wednesday and I couldn’t help noticing the ash on his forehead. I remarked then that it’s good to see how he proudly identifies himself as a Catholic. To me as an easily identified Chassidic Jew, this was especially endearing.

It was apparent that Ryan was genuinely moved by how I expressed myself. There is a certain humility in his manner that I find appealing. He is engaging, interesting, and personable, and I remember thinking then, “Here is someone who could benefit America greatly with his leadership.” Upon leaving, I hoped that we would be hearing big things about him soon.

He became a national presence when he was selected as Mitt Romney’s vice-presidential running mate in 2012. And now he has been elected by his fellow colleagues as Speaker of the United States House of Representatives.

There are certain lessons I’ve learned from this episode. First of all, I’ve learned that when we meet someone, we never know where that person will end up several years down the road. It’s always prudent to go the extra mile and impart the dynamics of one’s community.

The second lesson I’ve learned is that even if someone is coming from a different perspective and doesn’t agree with us on certain issues, we can still have a civilized conversation. I’m sure Paul Ryan didn’t agree with me during our various little talks. But he was and is gracious and interested in hearing how others look at the issues. He feels it’s important to meet people from different walks of life and to educate himself about differing points of view on key issues.

The purpose of this op-ed is not to engage in an analysis of Paul Ryan and his political positions. Rather, it’s to express my hope that his positive personality will positively affect public policy.

I’d like to congratulate Paul Ryan on his new position. I sincerely hope he will be instrumental in unifying his own party, and in bringing the Republicans and Democrats together to find solutions to our nation’s problems, even if that means making difficult compromises. More often than not, it’s through compromise that the challenges of government are resolved. Based on his track record, he seems able to reach across party lines for the common good. I hope he will be able to succeed in that realm as he steps up to become one of the most powerful officials in elected office.

Ezra Friedlander is CEO of The Friedlander Group (www.TheFriedlanderGroup.com), a public-policy consulting firm based in New York City and Washington DC. He may be reached at ezra@thefriedlandergroup.com or followed on twitter at @EzraFriedlander.